Sometimes my fingers flinch towards her.
A part of me wants to continue taking the pills – to keep alive his voice, his love for Catherine, even his anger.
Another part wants to pour them into the toilet and watch them dissolve.
So far I’m not doing either.
Because I realized something:
Julian wanted to keep Catherine.
My father wanted to erase Catherine.
I stand in the middle.
With their memory and my own life.
I’m no longer just the girl who married to save her father.
I am the archive of truth.
The living hard drive of a love, a crime and a deal that should never have been signed.
And as I walk down the hallways of the house, I feel the rain outside slamming the windows.
I once believed it was raining for us.
Now I know:
The rain doesn’t cry.
We are the ones who need to cry the truth.
And my biggest release was a little blue pill, which I refused to drink.
